


You're my Universe

by 12019716



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Asahi is a precious cinnamon roll, Established Relationship, Fluff, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, protect Asahi at all costs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 17:26:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13128300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/12019716/pseuds/12019716
Summary: “The stars. They remind me of you, do you know why?”Living with anxiety was the norm for Asahi but that didn't make it any easier. Luckily he had Nishinoya there to encourage and support him.





	You're my Universe

**Author's Note:**

> Gift for Kaethe for the 2017 Asanoya secret santa exchange.
> 
> Prompt: : Fluff, established relationship, anxiety/panic and be comforted, domesticity.

 

Asahi was aware, as soon as he woke up, that it was going to be a bad day. 

You know the state of being that was normally between the realm of sleeping and the one of consciousness? The one where you feel the warm comforting haze after sleep as it slowly yields to the vigilant alertness required for the day? Well, that methodical yet meandering feeling that should be slow to transition didn’t happen as it should. No, it slipped through his grasp before he had even completely opened his eyes, rapidly giving way to a simmering fear. His anxiety bubbling in his chest before the day had even truly begun. 

He knew it was his anxiety because it was always his anxiety. After years of struggling with it he had learn to read the signs. This irrational fear, the almost feverish lethargy, and the nauseous quivering inside him were all typical symptoms of his anxiety. He wasn’t sick, just... _sick_. A normal sick. His usual sick. 

God, he hated that these feelings were his norm. 

Despite himself and his illness, he made his way out of bed and began to prepare for the day. The world didn’t stop for his anxiety after all. Well, sometimes his world did, and should things continue on their current trajectory then today might just be one of those days. 

Glaring into his medicine cabinet, he couldn’t help the bitterness that was stronger than any of the pills that filled the bottles lining his shelf. He hated taking the medications. They didn’t always help, and even if they did they always made him feel sick in other ways. Not to mention that he hated that he had to rely on them. It made him feel weak. Feel out of control of his own body. 

He took them anyway. 

Asahi had been living with this illness long enough to know that the increasing and boiling paranoia within him would only gain momentum without the medications. If he wanted to get through the day he needed to rely on them, even if it made him hate himself a little bit more. 

Nishinoya was already eating breakfast as he made his way to the kitchen. He greeted his partner with an attempt at what he hoped to be a nonchalant kiss to the forehead before getting himself breakfast. He wasn't sure he pulled it off however as hawk-like amber eyes bore into his back as he ambled around, observing his moves with such keenness that Asahi wasn’t even sure why he bothered hiding anything from his lover anymore. Actually, he knew why. He bothered because he didn’t want to be a bother. However at this point in their relationship, his desire to be as unobtrusive as possible was often unfulfilled, as Nishinoya had been with Asahi long enough that he knew the symptoms as well. 

“You take your meds?”

“Yes.” Asahi grumbled in response, feeling shameful and embarrassed at his own ineptitude in processing this on his own. 

“Hey.” The larger man often found himself wondering if his significant other bared the ability to read minds, this was one of those times. “Asahi.” That tone definitely sounded like he knew what Asahi had been thinking. Nishinoya repeats his name two more times before he finally turns to meet his eyes. “It’s ok, you know that. They’re tools. There’s nothing shameful in taking something that helps you. Ok?” 

“I know.” Asahi turned and grabbed his breakfast before joining Nishinoya at the table. The smaller man grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze as he sent him a questioning look. Asahi acknowledging it and Asahi agreeing to it were two seperate things and of course Nishinoya had picked up on it. The brunette wasn’t going to be left alone until he agreed which he simultaneous loved and hated. He adored that Nishinoya was encouraging of a healthier mindset, yet it sometimes felt like he was being babysat. As per usual he couldn’t be decisive on how to feel about these conflicting feelings so he just agreed. “Okay, Noya.” 

Nishinoya didn’t seem convinced, but he left it alone for which Asahi was grateful. They didn’t really make any further conversation until the shorter man had paused as he made his way out the door for work. “I love you, Asahi.” Grabbing one of Asahi’s hands he kissed it softly. For the first time that day the large man’s heart fluttered with a feeling that wasn’t fear. “This,” He taps the brunet’s head, “doesn’t define you. I mean, the illness. The illness doesn’t define you. It doesn’t reflect you. You know that, right?” Asahi nods hesitantly, which isn’t quite good enough for Noya who pouts disheartedly. “Your anxiety isn’t you. It’s happening to you. Got it?” Asahi nods more firmly at his boyfriend’s imploring gaze. “Good. Call me if you need me.” 

He won’t. 

“Of course.” 

Noya knows he won’t. 

~~~

Asahi didn’t want to do anything but crawl into bed when he got home. Not that it would alleviate the anxiety that plagued him throughout the day but it was better dealing with the anxiety there rather than anywhere else. He would just have to wait it out in the quiet comfort of his own room. With that thought in mind he hastened homeward all the quicker. His bed was calling to him. Waiting for him.

Apparently so was Nishinoya. 

He had barely gotten in the door when Nishinoya started tugging him back out it again. “I have something to show you, come with me.” 

“Does it have to be now? I just got home and it’s...been a long day.”

“I know.” Nishinoya gave his hand a gentle and reassuring squeeze. “I know, that’s why… Just come. You’ll see. You’ll love it, I promise.” 

Placatingly, Asahi allowed himself to be led up to the roof of their apartment building. Nishinoya was purposefully vague and when he got like that it was usually better to just humor him, lest Asahi desire unrestrained and continuous harassment until Noya got his way anyway. For the sake of time management, it was better to just do the short man’s bidding. 

Whatever Asahi had been expecting, it wasn’t this. 

Sprawled out along the center of the rooftop was a nest- for a lack of a better term- composed of a multitude of blankets and pillows that were spilling over one another haphazardly. Honestly, to anyone else it would’ve looked like a mess, but Asahi knew Nishinoya’s work and this certainly was his work. He probably spent quite a bit of time arranging it too. Well, it’s the thought that counts, right?

“Come on! Are you surprised? Isn’t it something?” Noya pulls him over to the fluffy mass, pausing to show him a hidden basket under a blanket filled with his favorite take out. 

Asahi nods as he looks around awkwardly. It was certainly something. A messy something. A messy something that he was undoubtedly going to have to clean up. Even still, he couldn’t help but feel a swell of affection for the man now clambering to lay in the center of the uncoordinated heap. Nishinoya took thought and time into doing something for him and regardless of how successful it was, it was still effort all the same. Effort for him. That alone was enough. 

“Do you know why I brought you up here Asahi-san?” The smaller man asked as he beckoned Asahi over to lie down next to him to which the brunet complied without question. 

The gentle giant honestly had no idea why his significant other dragged him up here. 

Unless… what day was it? Birthday? 

No.

Anniversary?

No.

Holiday?

No… “Um, to be romantic?” He finally ventured a guess. 

“Bzzzt! Wrong! Try again.” Asahi just stared at him blankly for a few minutes, he really couldn’t guess. “I’ll give you a big clue: it’s this.” He points at the sky.

“There’s a meteor shower? Or something?” 

“Bzzzt! Nope. One more guess, my love.” 

It was starting to get a little frustrating to be honest. It’s not like he didn’t appreciate the gesture, whatever the gesture was, but he had had a long day at work and his anxiety was still eating at him, and he really just didn’t have the mental capacity to play a guessing game with his neurotypical boyfriend. He looked up to the sky but found nothing except the quiet starry sky. 

“I don’t know.”

“Another hint then!” Asahi grunted at this in annoyance. “C’mon, just one more.” The brunet relented- at least so Noya interpreted- with a long drawn out sigh. “It’s this,” he points to the sky, “and it’s this,” he points to Asahi. 

What was he trying to say? Asahi and the sky? Space? Was this some sort of comparison he was trying to make? You couldn’t even begin to compare the two. Space was vast and infinite, while Asahi was small, insignificant. 

Ah.

“I get it. My problems are small compared to something so great. I get it. I do, I-”

“Is that really what you think I meant by bringing you up here?” Nishinoya interrupted, rolling onto his side to search Asahi’s eyes. 

“Well, I don’t know… maybe?” 

His lover gave him a small, almost sad smile. “That’s not it at all, Asahi-san.” He rolled over onto his back once more. He gesticulated widely at the vast expanse spanning out endlessly above them. “I wanted you to see how beautiful it is.” 

“Oh.” The brunet returned his gaze to the night sky. 

Heedless to the glow of the city lights, the stars still sparkled on vibrantly. It was beautiful. Even with the feeling of all encompassing doom lingering behind him, even so, he still could tell it was beautiful. 

“It reminds me of you, Asahi-san.” The shorter man rolled his head to look at him. “The stars. They remind me of you, do you know why?” With nothing coming to mind Asahi simply shook his head. He couldn’t help but blink at his boyfriend curiously as a big grin overcomes his small face. “They’re scary!” 

“What?” 

The petite man laughs but continues through the small guffaws. “They’re scary, right? Like, they’re giant balls of gas and shit that are so hot they’ll melt your face off before you can even begin to get close.” 

“I’m not really sure where you’re going with this…”

“Right. So, we acknowledge they’re scary, ya?” 

A hesitant nod is all he can manage in response because what? 

“But that’s not all they are. They possess more than just scary things, they have wonderful things too. Like warmth. And light. And they give life. Things get life from them. And just look at how beautiful they are. Poets and musicians having been writing sappy romantic shit about them for, like, a gazillion years because they’re so beautiful.” Nishinoya hoists himself up into a sitting position, turning himself to look down at his lover. “That’s why they remind me of you. Cause sure there are scary things but there’s also lots of wonderful things. And like a star, you only really know your own existence, you don’t really see your effects on others or your own beauty.” His grin fades into a small smile as he grabs Asahi’s hand. “You’re my sun. My star. I get to bask in your warmth and your light. You give me life. You make me feel alive and I know my world would be all the darker without you. That’s why to me, Asahi-san, you are the stars.” 

Asahi wants to say something but he can’t. There’s a large lump of welling emotions lodged in his throat and if he were to open his mouth they would surely all come pouring out. 

“I’m not saying all this because I think it’ll make your anxiety go away. I wish it did, but we both know it not that easy. I am, however, saying this so you know that I won’t go away. We’re partners. We’re teammates. We’re going to get through this one day at a time and we’re going to get through it together.” 

For the first time in ages, Asahi didn’t bother to suppress his sobs, tears running down flushed cheeks as his breathing hitched with each pitiful sob. 

“I love you, Asahi. You are my everything. My sun. My stars. My life.” 

He couldn’t tell if he was crying because of the day’s frustrations with his illness or because he felt so very loved. All he could tell was that he was feeling a lot of different things and he was feeling them all greatly. Leave it to Nishinoya to be capable of drawing out every bit of Asahi’s emotions and make him feel things more intensely than he ever really allowed himself to. It was freeing. It was cathartic. It was everything he didn’t know he needed in that moment and he was profoundly grateful. 

“I love you too,” he managed to garble out between broken sobs. 

“Oh, well that’s good. I’m glad.” Noya grinned at him as he handed him a box of tissues. 

In that moment, Asahi fell just a little bit deeper in love with Nishinoya. He had those moments, bursts of love and adoration, more often than he ever would have imagined. But this time, this moment, was special. This tingling and affectionate love that bubbled through the fear, was special because he knew, in that instant, that Nishinoya was feeling exactly the same. 

So underneath the blankets of cotton and the blankets of stars, he allowed himself to fall all the more while laughing, crying, and smiling under the beauty of the infinite.

**Author's Note:**

> Visit my Tumblr: [TattooedCrow](https://tattooedcrow.tumblr.com/)


End file.
